Finally I've got it

I just wanted to give a testimony of what God has done in my life!





I was raised in church. When I was a little girl my dad was the music minister at a church, my parents worked with children doing a puppet ministry, working with youth. We went Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night and everything in between. If we weren't in church there was probably something wrong. All this church going you would think I got it right? I can remember when I was about 7 or 8 going to my parents and telling them I wanted to be saved, so they prayed with me. My dad took me to the pastor of the church we were going to so I could speak with him and get things ready for baptism. I was shortly after that baptised. I continued on with my involvement in church. That was a constant in my life, but I began to learn to play church and continually live in sin, never coming to a place of true repentance. When I was 19 I went on a summer trip with my college group. I heard a sermon "Why spend one more night with the frogs?" Like I said I was 19 so I knew what was best right? No, I was living a life that was very displeasing to God. I was convicted that night an rededicated my life. Things went well for a while, but quickly I got back in the same rut. There were so many times in between that I would fall under a conviction from the Holy Spirit and I would go through the cycle of "worldly sorrow" cry, ask for forgiveness etc.. But I never would truly repent.I don't think I really understood what that was. I was constantly trying to figure out what my purpose was. I got married in 2001 to Mike and started having kids in 2003. This is my purpose right? To be a wife and a mother. To be the perfect wife and raise godly children? My daughter Haley was 8 months when I got pregnant again. I had a miscarriage, but then got pregnant again. My second child Darren was born Jan 2005. Shortly after Darren was born I fell into a deep depression. I have always been known as the loud funny girl who would do anything to make people laugh. I couldn't seem to find joy in anything. I went to the doctor and was put on medicine. That still didn't fix things. I wasn't happy being married or being a mother. I began to take a bible study in Aug. of 2008 called " Freedom for Mothers" It was not what I was expecting. I thought it was going to give me ideas on how to raise my children, keep the house clean, be a good wife. No it dealt with flesh! God began to open my eyes. HE began to show me what was wrong with me. I was no longer content with the way I was living. I started asking God to show me His will for my life.We had a women's conference in October that I went to. Life as I knew it was about to change! Cheri Holcomb was the speaker. She talked about our mandate from God in Matthew chapter 28:18-20. We are to go and make disciples of all nations. This is something I have heard all my life, but for some reason this time it was different. I went to the alter and began to pray. I wasn't sure what I was to pray so I went back to my seat, confused. I knew God was doing something and that it was significant I just didn't have the answers yet. When I got home I began to tell Mike about the night and he looked at me like "here we go again another emotional story with no real meaning" anyone who knows me can tell you that I am extremely emotional, it is how I thrive, what i base my decisions on. If you read my previous blog it explains who I was. Anyway, when he looked at me like that my first response was to get defensive, but God said "NO, these are my words let me say them for you". So I went about my nightly routine, got the kids in the bed, and then went to my room and began to fold clothes. Mike and I began talking again, but this time he was listening. I didn't feel like I was seeking his approval, I was just speaking my heart. That's when God broke me. Things started to make sense. God showed me I was seeking approval through Mike, family, I am a Sunday school teacher, I help in Awana's , I, I, I. I began to hear myself and I heard this small voice say " I have already accepted you" I began to feel a peace that I never had before. My kids hadn't been sleeping well at the time, my marriage was awful, but I heard Him say "your kids haven't been sleeping because you have been battling me. Stop fighting me and I will fix your marriage, I will stop the noise in your head, I will be your constant friend, I will calm your fears, I will give you peace, joy and rest. As I sat there and poured out my heart,I looked up at Mike. It was like he was looking at a new person. He was, I no longer struggle with self worth. I am a new creation in Christ. Through my obedience to God I no longer need medication to feel "normal" my kids are more calm, my marriage is better and I am even seeing God changing Mike! I have started going through discipleship with Tracy Payne, and Cheri Holcomb. God is calling me to a new level. He is taking me from selfish to servent. My life is a total 180 from where I was last year.I look forward to each new day!